Kiwi Kids Books

Winston Reid - National Party List Member 2011

My vote, if he is willing to stand at the next general election, will be for Winston Reid. Yes, you read correctly. Without even seeing his portfolio, hearing his view on the economy or understanding his ideals I feel he is the man I want running our country. John Key is an astute leader and I wouldn’t be surprised if within days of the conclusion of the World Cup we see Winston Reid wearing a blue tie and being paraded around the country as the latest list MP.

The reason for my suddenly liking for Winston is varied but nonetheless creditable.

Firstly, I like the way he made me feel this morning. For some reason, due to his actions, I felt better walking to work. The birds were chirping, there was a soft frost under my feet and the sun was shining. All this was due to Winston Reid. In marked contrast most politicians have not made me feel this way over the last few months. They willingly spend my tax money on things I consider pathetic and then they seem to believe they are above any consequence for those actions. They have argued over things, which I think are trivial and failed to debate on issues I think are important. Winston on the other hand has made my life better through his selfless actions and willingness to glide unmarked into the back post and poke a white ball beyond a desperate goalie. He has not argued pointlessly with the opposition, but instead got on with what he does best.

Another thing I like about Winston is his timing. In fact I would give him the portofolio position of Minister in charge of Last Minute Decisions ( Minister of LMD). I can think of no other person more qualified or gifted in this area. I have a life mantra which goes like this – Why do something now when you can delay and do it later. Winston seems to live his life like this and that is something I admire. He doesn’t waste time on fluffing about, planning or worrying about this or that. But, and this is the kicker, Winston will always come through in the end. He is a man who thrives under pressure. When the rest of us were panicking and abusing our screen he was in control.

Many political junkies will scoff at my reasoning. However, I also believe Winston Reid can also offer some impressive skills that our country needs. You see I have thought about this and I think another portfolio for Winston Reid would be the Minister of Sustainable Energy. I don’t know if this portfolio exists but if I was John Key I would invent it now and get him on board. My logic is simple. Scientific research into last night has shown that exactly 1:17am there was a powerfull energy surge so intense that it forced thousands of half asleep men into the air. These men then yelled, jumped,hugged, sang and punched the air with such vigor it produced a large amount of potential energy unseen in New Zealand before. It has been estimated that if this potential power was harnessed it could have produced enough power to supply the greater Auckland region for 3 months. My thought is that Winston Reid, as minister of Sustainable Energy, could run half yearly, or even bimonthly ‘POWER EVENINGS. Over weight middle aged men would be invited to these evenings and Winston would just just turn up with 32 seconds remaining and the resulting energy buzz could be captured. Goodbye to low lake levels or nuclear power this guy would solve New Zealand’s power problems.

Winston Reid turns into Winston Peters if you look too long.

However, there is also a negative side which I believe I must also explore before I tick his name on the ballot box.  One problem with Winston is that he kept me up all night long. Even when I hit the bed at about 2am I could not sleep I was that excited. Then today at work I noted that my productiveity levels were down by 32%. For those that have seen me work this effectivly means a blind and deaf monkey would have been more productive than I was at work today. One must ask that if Winston ever did make it into parliament, would this low level productivity hit the entire nation.

Finally, we cant go passed an obvious weakness, and that is his name, Winston. When you mix Winston with the word Parliament, for some reason doesn’t sit easy with me. While I don’t want to tar him with the same brush as previous MP’s with that name, I have. The last Winston we had was not the best ambassador for that name and when I look at Winston Reid on my screen saver for too long his face changes and the result is catastrophic. I know that it is silly but I just don’t know if I am able to tick a voting paper with the word ’Winston’ sitting to the right. The only solution I see is that Winston Reid will have to change his name. Unfortunately, John is already taken by a handy cricketer so I am putting forward the idea of Ozy. Ozy Reid.

So at the next election when you collect your paper and make your way to the voting booth it is my hope that towards the bottom of the page there is a National candidate with the name of Ozy Reid. If there is I know where I will be putting my tick and I hope that you join me.