My child is a biter
April 17, 2010 in Uncategorized
Mrs Mandias left early this morning to update her First Aid Certificate. As a pharmacist it is an important credential to have in her line of work. I wasn’t listening when she mentioned the content of the refresher course, although I do recall hearing something about CPR. Resuscitation is all well and good but after this morning with our youngest boy lets hope they had a small section on treating bite wounds.
Yes, you read correct, Mini Mandias Version 2.0, is a biter. Not just a small nibbler either. He is a ‘grab them with two hands, molar cruncher’. This morning while trying to rearrange our garage into a something resembling order I heard a scream from the lounge. (Yes, the boys had been left unattended but when I left them they were fine.) I raced into the lounge to find Version 2.0 riding Version 1.0 like a horse while intermittently biting him on his back. With perfect parenting skills I jumped in to stop that kind of behaviour straight away. No son of mine is going to be a horse rider!!
After a lecture to both of them about engaging in such a pathetic sport I then had to deal with the issue of biting.
I will come clean and say this is not the first time this has occurred with our youngest boy. A couple of weeks ago, after picking up my boy from day-care I was taken aside by the manager. She explained to me that our boy had been biting other kids and that we should have a talk with him at home about inappropriate biting. What made things worse was that later that evening we had the annual Day Care BBQ where all the families get together for a meal. It is the one time of the year when parents get to meet each other and gossip. This year it was the Mandias household at the root of the gossip tree. I noticed the sly glances and shady whispers by some of the families as the meal progressed. Thankfully Mrs Mandias did a fantastic job smoothing over the obvious tension. She should be a UN peace keeper.
Biting is apparently a natural part of growing up and statistics show that 74% of young children bite other children in the course of their development. I just made this statistic up, but already it makes me feel much better as a parent. Despite my statistic, it doesn’t help with how to deal with a problem when it is your child.
Over Easter I asked the best mother I know and she said that to deal with biting children she bit them back. “Bite them once, and bite them hard.”
The irony that she is now a social worker has not been lost on me and perhaps that is a line I will pursue in the future.
Today however I didn’t really know what to do. Thankfully, while I dallied like the inexperienced parent I am, Version 1.0 came to the rescue as I fumbled through my options.
“He should go to his bedroom.” The older one yelled.
I agreed and the younger boy was marched straight to his room and given a stern talking to. He was granted a reprieve from his isolation a few minutes later and within minutes the boys were playing together like they were long lost buddies. That is the blessing of boys, they play hard and they forget easily. Thankfully the issue will be a distant memory in their minds as much more dirty water will have flowed under their bridges before Mrs Mandias gets home. What she doesn’t know won’t hurt her.
In memory of biters everywhere here is the world’s greatest biter.
Lucia Maria said on April 17, 2010
My youngest was a biter. I had forgotten about that until I read your post.
What I did with the biting was to treat it really seriously. Think of the worst thing he could possibly do and treat it with that level of seriousness. Because it is that bad.
I think he was 3 when I got the biting under control. It wasn’t often, fortunately, because I let him know just how bad it was, and how I really needed him to stop doing it.
A couple of minutes in time-out just isn’t going to cut it, I’m afraid. At the very least some of his favourite toys need to go into the cupboard for a month or so, with the warning that more will join them if he does it at home or at kindy again. And then there’s the dreaded “s-word”, which John Key tells us we shouldn’t be worried about doing.
Treat it seriously, and he will stop doing it. Don ‘t treat it seriously, and you’re going to be diverting his punishment onto others – who don’t deserve it.
Lucia Maria said on April 17, 2010
I just talked to my son (who is now 9) about what made him stop biting, and he can’t really remember, but he does remember me telling him that he wasn’t an animal when I was telling him off for biting. I must have told him that only animals bite, not humans.
Nana Mandis said on April 17, 2010
Hi Ozy, this is a disclaimer, I do not recall the conversation at Easter about what to do if your child bites!!!!! Fancy even thinking of biting my lovely grandson!!!! I think version number 1 had the right idea….to his room or maybe a special time out chair would be appropriate!!!! Happy parenting to you….. Nana
Lucia Maria said on April 17, 2010
Oh, and totally disagree with biting the child as punishment. You don’t want to use the behaviour you want to get rid of because it’s unacceptable as a punishment. It would send the wrong message.
Tara said on April 17, 2010
Hi Ozy
maybe if you bought version 1 a set of those fake vampire teeth sets that may deter version 2 from picking a fight with the “bigger” teeth…. better yet, if both you and Mrs Mandias wear them, he may well remember that he still has some growing up to do….
Ozy Mandias said on April 18, 2010
Great idea. Perhaps avisit to the $2 shop is needed. Could use them a work as well to scare the kids.
Ozy Mandias said on April 18, 2010
Don’t worry Lucia biting is not on my list of parenting strategies. Agree with making the event serious, as it is. Might talk to him about the ainimals if there is a next time. However, just to let you know there was a little poetic license in my post today, although the kindy event was true.
I think it also depends on the child. Time out works well with our older boy as a punishment. But our younger boy is more of a ‘free spirit’ and so we have to use other strategies. I think it is about being adaptable and working together to raise your child.
Ozy Mandias said on April 18, 2010
Be careful what you say, Nana Mandias. I may have a few of your statements on ‘tape’.