Kiwi Kids Books

McCaw V Pocock - ruining rugby

The IRB has scheduled an impromptu meeting after the latest ‘BATTLE OF THE #7’ between Ritchie McCaw and David Pocock ruined the last Bledisloe Cup match.

The IRB is concerned that both players are so good, so clinical and so far in front of every other international player they are running rugby as a spectacle.

Archibald Barnaby, the IRB Chairman, was scathing of the two players at his post Sunday golf game press conference in London yesterday.

“We are trying to promote running rugby through the new law interpretations and these two players are ruining it for everyone. They are at every breakdown trying to disrupt the opposition’s ball and the flow is lost from the game. One minute we have a team in possession and then within the blink of an eye one of them has stolen the ball”

Who can argue with Barnaby? The reality is that these two are dominating the breakdown and everyone else is playing catch-up. At every ruck they are the first two on the scene and then they do there best to destroy the flowing game we want to see.

However, the domination of McCaw and Pocock runs deeper than at boardroom level. Rumours of discontent amongst some of the All Blacks and Wallabies has been simmering for sometime. For the first 5 and a half minutes in the latest game they were the only two players who touched the ball from both teams. Infact some players hadn’t even realised the game had started.

One unnamed Wallaby was very upset with Pocock.

“He does everything in our team and the rest of us don’t get a chance to do anything. In the last Test Match I touched the ball once and saw it twice. Pocock is a great guy but he must learn to share things about a little. The only time I get to see and touch a rugby ball is at training during the week.”

Things are no better amongst the All Blacks with a number of players concerned about McCaw and wondering if his super human efforts will last to the World Cup. It doesn’t matter what is going on, McCaw is involved with everything. Apparently in the changing room before the last test Conrad Smith went to tie up his laces and McCaw was already they, threading the bunny through the hole and doing it for him.

“Sorry Conrad, saw you were struggling there and just wanted to lend a hand,” was the captain’s reply. Then at half time in Christchurch he arrived back in the changing rooms before everyone else and ate all the pick ‘n’ mix and left nothing for the others. Coach Ted was furious that someone had stolen all the milk bottles, but thankfully Owen Franks covered for the captain and was therefore substituted early in the second half.

At this stage the IRB is struggling with ideas on what to do to solve this problem. Ideas from the northern hemisphere include tying both players right hands behind their backs, making each of them wear an eye patch, tie their hands together or make them do 20 push ups after every time they touch the ball.

In the southern hemisphere the ideas have been a little more radical and include putting a quota system on each player which limits the amount of time they can touch the ball or even having a separate game on the side just for McCaw and Pocock while everyone else gets a chance on the big field.