John Key Voted New Zealand’s sexiest male
John Key snapped at the National Party Christmas Function
Before today I would never have thought the words ‘John Key’ and ‘sexy’ would be uttered in the same sentence. However, in today’s paper John Key has been awarded the sexiest male politician in New Zealand. While many people might not believe such a competition existed, it is actually a highly sort after award within the Beehive. Previous winners have been hard to find as the Labour Party, under Helen Clark, had placed a media embargo on publishing the results.
As expected, leaders from all other political parties have come out firing against the latest results. Act leader Rodney Hide has already hit out at the competition, saying that such an award is a disgrace to our democratic society and noted that it didn’t take into account your ability on the dance floor. Opposition leader Phil Goff was equally as harsh, saying that a competition like this marginalises those who are ugly and develops a type of class based society. Maori Party spokesman Honi Harawera called the result a victory for “middle class Auckland white trash” in his very vocal speech about the results.
Simon Bridges waits casually outside his electorate office.
As a side issue Tauranga MP Simon Bridges made it to second place in the rankings, the first time a back bencher had achieved such a feat. Simon was over the moon with his rise within the National Party and had this to say after emerging from his daily chest wax at the Mount Hot Pools.
“John and I are both ecstatic with this result. We have both been working on our looks over the past six months and obviously the results are there for all to see. I work out daily and I know John only limits himself to one mince pie at morning tea, so we have both sacrificed a lot for this award. I am blessed with an olive BOP complexion and thought that may have tilted the vote my way. But Bill English’s idea of the PM applying ‘thin-lizzy’ daily gave him a glow I couldn’t compete with.”
In the hotly contested female politician award, Auckland Central MP Nikki Kaye took out the female title with 32% of the votes, followed by another National MP, Melissa Lee (24%), and young Labour MP Jacinda Ardern (19%). Helen Clark who had won the previous 8 sexiest female politician awards, albeit with rumours of rigged voting, would not comment on the latest results from her swanky New York apartment.
Incidently, Nikki Kaye is still single and is apparently on the look out for a suitable man. Although she was quick to point out to the waiting media today that her nickname of ‘cougar’ was solely based on her debating skills in the chamber.
In the context of this award for John Key, the words of Jon Stewart, spoken when he was on O’Reilly, may prove rather apt… “That is like winning the award for the skinny kid at Fat Camp.”