Kiwi Kids Books

I now know what it must be like being the Labour Party. For 9 years they held the power in New Zealand, now they have nothing. Instead of running the country they have to sit back and watch the powerful National Party do what they like with our society. Now my situation may not be as drastic and dire as the Labour Party but for 7 years I have had the run of the TV in our house. Sadly, like the Labour party losing power, I have had to give this power away and now just sit back and watch what ever the ladies in my house want.

The reason for this is simple. We now have a female boarding living with us in our house. While this might not sound like a huge move, it means that the balance of TV watching has been taken away from me. Within the Ozy Mandias house we run a democratic system which also covers what is watched on TV. Prior to the boarder arriving, the voting would be in my favour due to the fact I am a man’s vote, like an away goal in soccer, is worth slightly more than a woman’s. This would mean that once the kids were in bed I was in charge of what we were watching, usually sport.

However, the last two weeks have been a nightmare. Despite an aggressive political campaign I have been left short of votes every evening.  The result has been catastrophic. Last week I think every episode of Shortland Street, The Apprentice, Master-chef and Hannah Montana was pumped needlessly into our living room. I have protested as much as possible but ultimatley in a democratic society I have nothing to stand on.

I suppose that I shouldn’t think the world revolves around me and I should think of others. I did this the other day and while nobody was home I whispered to the TV and was shocked at the reply. I can without doubt say that our Sharp 29 inch box is just as frustrated as me. This guy used to have Billy Slater, Ronaldo, Wayne Rooney and Dan Carter on it’s screen every night. Sport flashing back and forth as he beamed everything live and up to date. He had the best view of live sport, but now all that has gone. Instead now he has corny chefs arguing over pathetic dishes and poorly made New Zealand reruns limping across his screen every evening.

Sadly, I am at a loss as to my next move. Under the democratic system I only have a few options. Getting a male boarder could be an option, but not really that realistic. I could do a Fiji and evoke a military coup, taking over the TV via force, however, the only gun I own is a toy one. I have thought of developing a coalition and bringing my two boys on board, however, like New Zealand First they have less sway than the Labour Party. Finally I could rearrange the Ozy Mandias Constitution and formally announce that democracy is out the door and that our household is now a monarchy with me as the King.