Disappointing Wedding Kiss
oh dear!! This was similiar to the kiss at the wedding in the weekend.
Another wedding in the weekend and the pressure builds for Ozy Mandias to write another blog on the event. At yesterdays traditional ‘post wedding BBQ’ I was fielding calls left, right and center about my impending article. Talk about pressure. However, I rest in the knowledge that when you have two people like we had in the weekend getting married material is never hard to find.
Right from walking into the beautiful St Mary’s church this wedding had a special feeling. Officiating proceedings we had a tag team of ministerial powers, something which seems to be common nowadays. First into the ring was Leo the Lion dressed in the shiniest suit I have every seen. He opened proceedings well and then tagged in his partner. Immediately I could tell this was a woman not to be messed with. You don’t wear rainbow colours like that and lack self confidence, nor a sharp tongue. She concluded the service nicely, taking a record 15minutes to complete the signing of the registry. I think she included her skype username, facebook address and twitter account details!!! However, she did blot her copy book slightly by forcing Jason the groomsman to clean up the pool of sweat that he left on the alter following the service.
Most of the crowd actually missed Jason sweating during the service as he pretended he was crying, but he didn’t fool me. Talking to Jason afterwards he had this exclusive comment to the Ozy Mandias Warning Blog;
“The vows were so moving I actually felt a tingle down my spine, I then realised it was sweat. I don’t know about the other men in the wedding party but it was a strange experience. I could feel the bead of sweat being conceived at the top of my neck, slide down my back, negotiate my crack, progress down my left leg, pick up a few friends behind my knee and almost be a torrent of salty water as it pooled on the floor.”
One more comment needs to be made on the service and that was the first kiss between the happy couple. The first kiss is the pinnacle of any wedding ceremony. The formalities are completed, the legal requirements ticked off and everyone is ready to relax and celebrate. The kiss symbolizes the first connection between the married couple. I will attempt to recreate the situation and paint the best possible picture for those that weren’t there.
Reverend Rainbow had just finished writing her details in the registry. The bridesmaids were back in place and the groom and bride where now centre stage holding hands. Jason shuffled awkwardly in the background as another bead of sweat headed southward. The congregation waited in anticipation as the Rainbow Reverend put aside her book and tried to smile at the young lovers.
“Now the time you two have been waiting for.”
The music started to play in the back ground as the lighting was lowered. Amazingly, a single, golden ray of Christchurch sun shone through one of the many stained glass windows illuminating the couple. It seemed as if God himself had broken into the world and orchestrated this moment with his own hands. Perfection.
“You may kiss the bride.” Were the words uttered as Reverend Rainbow stepped back to shun the limelight for the first time since Thursday night. Women gazed, anticipating the connection of lips, many starting to shed a tear, happy to be part of such a spiritual moment. Men nodded with sly grins, watching, hoping, and remembering their own marriage kiss.
The bride leaned forward, eyes closed…anticipating. The congregation leaned slightly forward, joining with the bride’s anticipation. The world was in slow motion and then the groom started his move. Slowly he tilted his head and bent down towards his beautiful bride savoring this God given moment and then out of the blue he just opened his eyes and gave her a peck on the lips.
Reverend Rainbow and Leo the Lion were both gob smacked. I was equally baffled as I see more action doing my lunchtime duty at my coed secondary school than I just witnessed with my own eyes. The congregation looked around, speechless. Jason used this brief uncertainty in the crowd to adjust his sweaty nether regions.
To be honest the rest of the day was pretty much normal wedding fodder. The function, held at Annies Wine Bar, was sensational. The evening was expertly developed by a Shem Banbury who held the evening together like superglue. He was everything a MC should be funny, compassionate and friendly. I would recommend him for your next wedding.
Another highlight was an innovative lollie bar that the bride had developed for the reception. Imagine your own personal pick’n’mix without the horrendous pricing and this is what we had. It was fantastic and the only problem was half the people at the reception were Dutch. Nothing wrong with Dutch people but given the opportunity to take anything for free and they are like dogs with a bone. When I finally got to the lollie bar it was a bare tree stripped of all its leaves.
It would be remiss of me not to mention one final point in this written dribble. I am actually related to the groom and so therefore I would like to comment briefly on the family that he is marrying into. You will have heard of the Dutch Dirkzes family from Christchurch. I can state this without hesitation because they are without equal the loudest family in Christchurch. You may not have meet them but you would have heard them. They are so loud the Christchurch City Council has a bylaw require they family to live beside the railway line so they at least have competition 7 times a day as the train rumbles passed.
So it will be interesting to see how our wee groom handles life in such a noisy environment. My advice would be at any further family functions to mix with the Bride’s Papa who at 96 years of age was a breath of inspiration at the Sunday barbeque. His beautiful GRACE was moving and capped off a great weekend. Furthermore, at 96 years of age he still drives a manual and most importantly he does mind a minute or two of silence in between the trains rumbling passed.
Well *****, (oops Ozy) as another teaching colleague I won’t shame you by correcting your spelling and grammar.
I take GREAT offence to the number of trains you said went past, there are only 5 a day maximum!!!.
Since I am only a Dirkze through marriage I assume that I must be the quiet one.
We will take a poll with all the guests to see if the MC was as good as you said. Will keep you posted.
P.S well done, you have captured the time beautifully.
I have just finished sweating. i look like your profile pic now, a fillet of my former valuptuos self.