Cross cultral marriage and crying men
Cross cultural marriages are interesting events. They bring together two cultures, two diverse backgrounds, two languages and blend them into one. Add to this excessive amounts of male crying and you have one very interesting wedding on your hands. As you can guess from the beginning of this post, yesterday I was fortunate to go to a family wedding which included both of these elements. Without wanting to give too much away I would like to look at these elements separately.
The first issue we should look at is cross cultural marriages. If we look back through the history of humanity cross cultural marriages are only a very recent occurrence. Sure there are the odd examples of this throughout the ages but it hasn’t been until the last few decades that these have become the norm. One of the key aspects to a cross cultural marriage is the use of language. This was evident yesterday as snippets of the service and reception where given in Japanese. I like this in a wedding as language is important for all cultures. Sure there were a few issues yesterday, especially when Rev Coster came up to ask for the parental blessing. Little did he know the similarity between the Japanese word for ‘permission’ and the phrase used to order fish n chips for a takeaway bar. Being a fluent Japanese speaker I felt it was inappropriate to point out that rather than ask for marital permission he asked for permission to order 3 fish and 2 scoops of takeaways. Incidentally, he did what anyone should do when speaking a different language, and gave the sentence without hesitation and delivered it as if he had lived on sushi all his life.
Secondly, let’s tackle the broad but important issue of males crying. Being bought up with only one female in the house crying was seen as a weakness. To cry was to be seen as being vulnerable and exposing one’s soft underbelly. However, thanks to the gradual feminization of our society, a male crying is actually seen in a different light today. In 2004 a study by Kleenex found that 90% of women and 77% of men think that it is okay to cry. That figure would only have risen in the last 5 years so it is now safe to say that to cry is to be male. Many sociologists believe that the TV images of England soccer player ‘Gazza’ crying after losing a World Cup soccer game as the pivotal moment in man’s crying emancipation.
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=64a_1fWTsls]This freedom we now have for males was pleasing because at yesterdays wedding there wasn’t a dry male eye in the chapel nor at the reception. The first to choke up was the minister during the ceremony, despite his experience in wedding officiating he still managed to shed a tear halfway through the vows. Next up was lemon boy. Nobody knows why he started to cry, as he was the driver of the wedding cars, although he used the line of getting lost as his excuse for a little water works. The reception was a particularly emotionally affair and basically a torrent of males crying. The groom’s speech given in pigeon Japanese (is there such a thing) was delivered with a unique mixture of laughter and tears which was something I hadn’t seen before. Finally we had the traditional King song which once again bought tears to eyes of every male in the room. The jury is still out on whether they were tears of joy, sorrow, embarrassment or pain. I suspect the later.
Gazza Crying - The start of man's crying freedom
Despite my anti crying upbringing the atmosphere got to me and I will be honest I did shed a tear at one point. The reason for this is due to the special bond with the groom. I don’t want to brag but I have known the groom for longer than any person, except his mother and the doctor who bought him into the world. You see we were born a day apart in Blenheim hospital about 30 years ago. Separated at birth, we finally found each other, and to complete the circle I married his cousin. Strangely though our devotion to one another doesn’t’ stop there. A quick glance at our wedding rings reveals the same taste in ‘two for one’ purchases from Michael Hill Jeweller. However, our real bond is based around dates. With yesterdays wedding being on the 12th December our wedding dates are only one day apart as well. As you would expect the next milestone we have to align to keep this run going is children. I already have set two dates in the calendar with one born on the 27th October and the other the 16th May. Without wanting to put too much pressure on the newly married couple if we move back 9 months from those dates the stars align on the 27th Feb early next year. Therefore, a personal request I would ask that you stay away from the bride and groom during the last week of February and as I precaution I have pencilled in a ‘C’ section at Christchurch Women’s Hospital on the 26th October.
Hi Ozy,
great article.
have a few friends who have married people from overseas.
cheers John
It was a great wedding!!!! I think men should cry more and not feel so embarrased about it.