Kiwi Kids Books

Well the statistics are now public (here). Apparently one fifth of all New Zealand men aged between 20 and 34 are still living at home. This figure doesn’t surprise me at all. In fact I would have thought the figure would have been much larger. Think about the beauty and benefits of living at home. The cooking is done for you, SKY TV is constantly on, your washing amazingly turns up on the end of your bed folded and the bills are paid for you. All you have to do is put up with a little nagging here and there and you can reap the benefits.

Upon reading this fact I immediately called my Dad down in Christchurch and he was equally as surprised. He has two thirds of his children still living at home, both of whom make it into the highlighted age bracket. He was wondering, since he was above the national average, who are the lucky parents below the average. He also went on to say that although the article in the newspaper was grim it is nothing compared to actually living with your grown kids. Sadly, I saw through my fathers statement as a facade for a stage in life known as the ‘rubber band’ stage.

I have studied psychology at university. Well I did go to one lecture just to see what it is like and with my extensive background I conclude that it is the parents that have the problem. Most people who read or heard those statistics this morning would have immediately thought two things. Firstly, those males must be losers still living with their parents and secondly, they would have felt sorry for the parents. If you thought this you too have been misled.

Rather than read the facts as they are printed in the paper take a leaf out of Sue Bradford’s school of statistical analysis and make up your own stats. Sure one fifth of men in a certain age bracket live with their parents. But the statistic hidden beneath the layers of text is even more shocking.
Two fifths of New Zealand parents with males aged between 20 and 34 have attachment issues.

The people with the attachment issues (AI in psychology speak) are not the young males but, rather the parents. The reality is that these males are actually helping their parents through this difficult time.
Parents secretly they love having their kids around the home. Their offspring provide entertainment, excitement and direction that are otherwise void in their life. For twenty odd years they have had children in the house and then suddenly it is gone. The fun, the laughter and continual excitement is gone. Many parents can’t cope with this sudden change. As I have alluded this period of a parents life is commonly termed the ‘rubber band phase’ and can result in serious AI. This phase usually starts around a year after the last child leaves home and can stay with parents for decades.

Think abut it. At any time the parent could get rid of the male by upping the rent, cancelling SKY or even setting up a house duty roster and sticking it on the fridge. All the cards are held with the parents.
But parent don’t do anything because of the fear of living a life without their children. What actually happens is the reverse. Parents subconsciously provide all the things their kids want, just to lure their children back. This was defiantly the case in my own family.

Once us three boys flew the nest our entire house changed. My parents got SKY TV and moved into a brand new house. Next up my parents worked on the fridge. Our fridge, once a vast continent of wasteland, suddenly became an oasis of every food imaginable. Us boys where in heaven. But it didn’t stop there. Random items of clothing were bought just because of a shop special. The heating was cranked up during winter just to remind us what we were missing.
Luckily, I managed see what was happening and moved to another city. My brothers weren’t so lucky. Primed and enticed with food, warmth and SKY TV my brothers weren’t as strong as me and like moths to a flame returned to the comfort of home. It is here they will stay until my parents deal with this ‘rubber band’ stage of their existence and let go of their kids. For my brother’s sake lets hope that it is soon.